some days better than others

My dad wanted all the kids and grandkids to watch this 4th of July video. I can't recall the name of it but it had to do with our Founding Forefathers.

Our family...we are missing my older brother. He left too early that morning.
My dad loved to dance and we all danced his pants off too. There were times he could barely walk at the end of the night but that didn't stop us. I wish I could dance with him just ONE more time. Just once.

He loved his grandkids. LOVED THEM and spent time with them and did things with them and taught them.

There are times when I feel peace and don't feel like crying over my dad's death but other days where all I do is cry. Yesterday I did really well but last night was AWFUL. I couldn't think of anything else. On Tues. I went to my sisters house an hour away....I missed the turn off. On the way home I missed my turn off and ended up in who knows where...had to call my husband to figure out where I was and how to get me back in the right direction. It isn't like I live in Moses any more where it is almost impossible to get lost. NO this is close the Washington D.C. I didn't have the GPS. Don had it. UGGGHHH. I was deep in thought.

My thoughts turn to all the wonderful qualities and memories I have of my dad. There were some NOT so good times but those times don't even come into my memory. I have to keep an eternal perspective. I went to my friends house yesterday. We talked about life after death. We talked about the things we know to be true. It helped. As we talked I watched her make me dinner. SAD HUH? I asked if I could help but she wouldn't let me. She made Manicotti. YUM. She also made the best pumpkin cookies ever and sent me home with garlic bread and fixings for Ceaser Salad. AND to top that off she went back to the store and bought all the ingredients for me to be able to make 2 more batches of pumpkin cookies. I tried to pay her and she sneakily gave the money back to us by giving it to my daughter. She's busted.

Then on Wed. another friend brought the yummiest spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread and green beans and some oatmeal cookies. As soon as I saw the package of cookies it reminded me of seeing them in my home growing up. Mom loves them. That started getting me thinking about my dad again. It is going to happen. And I want to be able to think of him and talk of him and remember everything about him.

Tonight another friend is bringing food. Do you see what wonderful friends I have? I really do. I love the gospel for so many reasons and one huge reason is that they really take care of people. The RS called to see if I needed meals but I said no. So my friends took it upon themselves to bring me food. I love them. I really do.

Life will not be the same without my dad. He was the boss. He was the one to organize everything in our family. We had gatherings at my parents house and relatives came from all over to be a part of our family but it was because my dad made them all feel so special. This wasn't just your typical close relatives. MY second cousins kids would come and they would bring their friends. They loved it at our place. We did fun things and had great times.

One thing (of many) that I love is that it is sooooooo easy to point out my dads qualities. REALLY..he had so many.

1. He was a hard worker..he was known for his hard work.

2. My dad was so good with all ages of people...the young, the old, the inbetween. ALL PEOPLE.

3. He was honest.

4. He was a great teacher and I know he was many of the students' favorite.

5. He was a great mechanic. He knew what he was doing and he did it well.

6. SMART SMART SMART...yes he was. He had a lot of knowledge and in many areas.

7. He was caring. He served and thought of others.

8. He was a very positive man. He would sing to us every morning...especially when we were in a bad mood. I HATED IT. I would get up and still be tired and then I would hear...good morning....good morning....the best to you each morning...K-E-L-L-O-G-G...Kellogs best to you. Or he would tease us and say SMILE. But I never felt like it. He was mostly always in a good mood and if he wasn't he would force himself.

9. My dad was a giver. He gave sooooooo much to my family. We had a big family. There were 8 of us all together. I LOVED THAT. When my mom made chicken my dad ALWAYS chose the back. GROSS. I never could understand why he liked the back....there is hardly any meat on it. Well many years later I learned that he didn't like the back but he knew the kids wanted the white meat so he ate the back.

10. My dad is a very non-judgemental person. When someone would start talking about someone else he would sometimes stop us and say something positive about them or he would tell us to be nice.

11. My dad was a good listener and advice offerer (is that a word?) And now that he is gone I am learning that he helped more people than I had ever known. He always had great advice for his nieces and nephews and grandkids and anyone else that may have been hurting. He has such a huge heart.

12. He went for the underdog. If he ever thought somenone didn't have any friends or were being teased he STRESSED the importance of being nice and being there friends. He didn't put up with this kind of crap. Just this past summer there was something that happened with the grandkids so he made all of them memorize the song..."Don't Laugh at Me". And then he gave each of them a talk about making fun of others. He then went on to say that when he was little he got made fun of and how that REALLY hurt.

13. He loved his family. He was a true family man. He never wanted to leave the kids long. Everywhere he went he wanted us to go too. You know those parents ( I am guilty of this) that wanted breaks from the kids and couldn't wait for them to go to school? Well he was never (neither was my mom...she always cried when the summer was over and it was time for us to go back) like that. AND WE KNEW it. We knew that we meant everything to him.

There are so many more things....you know how some people are given a couple of qualities that really stand out? And how you can pinpoint them.....like someone is a great worker...or someone is good at serving...or someone is really smart...or very muscial. But with my dad he had many. And I am not just saying these things and making my dad look better than he really was (just because he is gone). HE really really had all of these qualites and more. It amazes me that one person was blessed with so much. And yet he sat there not realizing all the things he did well. He was a very humble man.

Dad..I know this pain won't go away.....Don specifically told me in the blessing he gave me that he would not command the pain to go away. He said it was necessary for us to grow. It is part of life and although it is a sad part and a very difficult part I know and understand that it is necessary. I pray you will watch over us daily. I pray that you will hold my hand when you see me struggle.

Yesterday I had to take Zach to the dentist to get a cavity filled and to get 3 sealants. He was very nervous about the shot. He said he had been thinking about it ALL day at school. As we were driving to the office I told him to pray and I told him that YOU would be holding his hand through all of it and I told him that you could now always watch over us. GUESS WHAT? The dentist went in and as he was cleaning up the teeth he told us that there was no cavity there. He said it really looked like a cavity last time but after cleaning it all up he only needed to seal it. SO he did 4 sealings and NO CAVITY. He didn't have to get the shot. I know God hears our prayers and I know you are there too dad. I am so thankful. Plus it saved us $50.

I love you and I love what you have done for your family. You will always be the best.