11-13 no coincidence

My mom and sister were on the way to Spokane after my father was transported by helicopter. My mom got an odd feeling at 11:13 a.m.

A week later my mom and brother were driving to take care of a few things at the shop. My mom was telling my brother the feeling she had. My brother looked down at the clock in the car and it read 11:13 a.m. My mom had NO idea.

They got to the shop and were telling my sister about the two common things...that is when my sister said.....Dad's celebration of life is Nov. 13th....or 11/13.

I don't believe in coincidences. I really think that 11:13 was when my father passed through the veil to the other side.

Back home

That was a fast trip. I went home to be a part of my dad's celebration of life. I was gone for a week and am so thankful for my mother in law who took on the hardest job of anyone....watching the kiddos. I could not have gone without her help. I'm so thankful and I worried about her while I was gone. I knew the kids would be OK. But I wasn't so sure about her.

We brought my mom with us. I am so excited for her to see Virginia. She has wanted to come back here for soooooooooo long and now she has the chance. We get to keep her for a full month. YEAH....so many things to see and yet her back is limiting her. Praying it gets better super quick. I am the one to blame for it. She has six kids. I was the biggest baby weighing 8 pounds 6 ounces. After I was born she developed Spondylolisthesis. BIG WORD..I know. She didn't have very big babies...most weighing in at 6-7 pounds. But basically it is where the bone in the lower part of the spine slips forward and onto a bone below it. It is causing her a lot of pain. She had to make a trip to the ER a few days after dad died. She was in so much pain she actually thought she was going to meet my dad that night. I'm so thankful she didn't.

I'll see him again...no doubt

I have to keep telling my self I will see him again. I have to keep an eternal perspective. I have to realize that this life is short...and compared to eternity it is just the beginning. I know these things are true. I know it. It brings peace. It is still hard and it even seems like I am crying more BUT..I really can feel the prayers of others...just like my friend Rachel said happened to her after her father passed.

I bore my testimony today. I don't really like getting up in front of people but my heart was pounding. It doesn't do that often but it has happened a few times and when it does I KNOW that means I need to get up there. After Sacrament I had one of the bishopric members come to me telling me how he felt while I was giving my testimony. It was special. It made me cry. And it made him cry. He wrote it up for me and delivered it to my home. I will cherish it FOREVER.

Again grateful for the gospel. Grateful to know. Grateful to be a part of all true things. There is a quote that I love "I CAN DO HARD THINGS".

some days better than others

My dad wanted all the kids and grandkids to watch this 4th of July video. I can't recall the name of it but it had to do with our Founding Forefathers.

Our family...we are missing my older brother. He left too early that morning.
My dad loved to dance and we all danced his pants off too. There were times he could barely walk at the end of the night but that didn't stop us. I wish I could dance with him just ONE more time. Just once.

He loved his grandkids. LOVED THEM and spent time with them and did things with them and taught them.

There are times when I feel peace and don't feel like crying over my dad's death but other days where all I do is cry. Yesterday I did really well but last night was AWFUL. I couldn't think of anything else. On Tues. I went to my sisters house an hour away....I missed the turn off. On the way home I missed my turn off and ended up in who knows where...had to call my husband to figure out where I was and how to get me back in the right direction. It isn't like I live in Moses any more where it is almost impossible to get lost. NO this is close the Washington D.C. I didn't have the GPS. Don had it. UGGGHHH. I was deep in thought.

My thoughts turn to all the wonderful qualities and memories I have of my dad. There were some NOT so good times but those times don't even come into my memory. I have to keep an eternal perspective. I went to my friends house yesterday. We talked about life after death. We talked about the things we know to be true. It helped. As we talked I watched her make me dinner. SAD HUH? I asked if I could help but she wouldn't let me. She made Manicotti. YUM. She also made the best pumpkin cookies ever and sent me home with garlic bread and fixings for Ceaser Salad. AND to top that off she went back to the store and bought all the ingredients for me to be able to make 2 more batches of pumpkin cookies. I tried to pay her and she sneakily gave the money back to us by giving it to my daughter. She's busted.

Then on Wed. another friend brought the yummiest spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread and green beans and some oatmeal cookies. As soon as I saw the package of cookies it reminded me of seeing them in my home growing up. Mom loves them. That started getting me thinking about my dad again. It is going to happen. And I want to be able to think of him and talk of him and remember everything about him.

Tonight another friend is bringing food. Do you see what wonderful friends I have? I really do. I love the gospel for so many reasons and one huge reason is that they really take care of people. The RS called to see if I needed meals but I said no. So my friends took it upon themselves to bring me food. I love them. I really do.

Life will not be the same without my dad. He was the boss. He was the one to organize everything in our family. We had gatherings at my parents house and relatives came from all over to be a part of our family but it was because my dad made them all feel so special. This wasn't just your typical close relatives. MY second cousins kids would come and they would bring their friends. They loved it at our place. We did fun things and had great times.

One thing (of many) that I love is that it is sooooooo easy to point out my dads qualities. REALLY..he had so many.

1. He was a hard worker..he was known for his hard work.

2. My dad was so good with all ages of people...the young, the old, the inbetween. ALL PEOPLE.

3. He was honest.

4. He was a great teacher and I know he was many of the students' favorite.

5. He was a great mechanic. He knew what he was doing and he did it well.

6. SMART SMART SMART...yes he was. He had a lot of knowledge and in many areas.

7. He was caring. He served and thought of others.

8. He was a very positive man. He would sing to us every morning...especially when we were in a bad mood. I HATED IT. I would get up and still be tired and then I would hear...good morning....good morning....the best to you each morning...K-E-L-L-O-G-G...Kellogs best to you. Or he would tease us and say SMILE. But I never felt like it. He was mostly always in a good mood and if he wasn't he would force himself.

9. My dad was a giver. He gave sooooooo much to my family. We had a big family. There were 8 of us all together. I LOVED THAT. When my mom made chicken my dad ALWAYS chose the back. GROSS. I never could understand why he liked the back....there is hardly any meat on it. Well many years later I learned that he didn't like the back but he knew the kids wanted the white meat so he ate the back.

10. My dad is a very non-judgemental person. When someone would start talking about someone else he would sometimes stop us and say something positive about them or he would tell us to be nice.

11. My dad was a good listener and advice offerer (is that a word?) And now that he is gone I am learning that he helped more people than I had ever known. He always had great advice for his nieces and nephews and grandkids and anyone else that may have been hurting. He has such a huge heart.

12. He went for the underdog. If he ever thought somenone didn't have any friends or were being teased he STRESSED the importance of being nice and being there friends. He didn't put up with this kind of crap. Just this past summer there was something that happened with the grandkids so he made all of them memorize the song..."Don't Laugh at Me". And then he gave each of them a talk about making fun of others. He then went on to say that when he was little he got made fun of and how that REALLY hurt.

13. He loved his family. He was a true family man. He never wanted to leave the kids long. Everywhere he went he wanted us to go too. You know those parents ( I am guilty of this) that wanted breaks from the kids and couldn't wait for them to go to school? Well he was never (neither was my mom...she always cried when the summer was over and it was time for us to go back) like that. AND WE KNEW it. We knew that we meant everything to him.

There are so many more things....you know how some people are given a couple of qualities that really stand out? And how you can pinpoint them.....like someone is a great worker...or someone is good at serving...or someone is really smart...or very muscial. But with my dad he had many. And I am not just saying these things and making my dad look better than he really was (just because he is gone). HE really really had all of these qualites and more. It amazes me that one person was blessed with so much. And yet he sat there not realizing all the things he did well. He was a very humble man.

Dad..I know this pain won't go away.....Don specifically told me in the blessing he gave me that he would not command the pain to go away. He said it was necessary for us to grow. It is part of life and although it is a sad part and a very difficult part I know and understand that it is necessary. I pray you will watch over us daily. I pray that you will hold my hand when you see me struggle.

Yesterday I had to take Zach to the dentist to get a cavity filled and to get 3 sealants. He was very nervous about the shot. He said he had been thinking about it ALL day at school. As we were driving to the office I told him to pray and I told him that YOU would be holding his hand through all of it and I told him that you could now always watch over us. GUESS WHAT? The dentist went in and as he was cleaning up the teeth he told us that there was no cavity there. He said it really looked like a cavity last time but after cleaning it all up he only needed to seal it. SO he did 4 sealings and NO CAVITY. He didn't have to get the shot. I know God hears our prayers and I know you are there too dad. I am so thankful. Plus it saved us $50.

I love you and I love what you have done for your family. You will always be the best.

It hurts even more today

I can't believe MY dad is gone. I still can't believe it. It hurts even more today. I think reality is setting in and I am realizing that it is really true....he isn't coming back...EVER. And that is hard to grasp sometimes. I know my dad is not with us here but he lives. He is in Heaven with his spirit and he is alive. He is looking down on us and I know he will be a perfect angel for my family.

I am really grateful for my blog. He was my number one reader. He looked foward to reading my posts and there were times I didn't want to post anything but I did because I knew he was looking forward to it. My dad was all about teaching others. He had a degree in teaching and the kids all LOVED him. He was awesome. He left teaching to open his own small engine repair business...and yet the teaching continued. He never stopped teaching. That was one of his greatest qualities.

Some things I remember about my dad:

1. He was so service oriented. He always thought of others and never of himself. He lived the meaning of serving his fellow man.

2. He was an honest man. He was very fair at his shop. He would never try to jip anyone. In fact he bought a boat a few months ago. The guy that was selling it was asking a certain price but my dad thought that was too cheap so he offered to pay him more. Then that night the guy that sold him the boat called and said his wife was upset with him for selling the boat so cheap and my dad ended up paying him even more. Do you know very many men that would actually pay more for something because he knew it was worth more? These are the types of things that this man is leaving behind for his kids and grandkids. AMAZING...I'm telling you. HE WAS.

3. My father wasn't active in the church BUT....I believe he was a better man than many members of the church are. He always told me before I left for a church activity to remember to be the first one there and the last to leave....He always stressed the importance of staying till the end to help clean up.

4. My dad was all about doing good and being a good person...he was all about treating others with respect. He had a huge heart. He has left a big hole in so many people's lives and now that he is gone I am finding many people that I don't even know express their sadness that he is gone. He touched so many lives.

5. My dad taught us so much. He was always there with a way to teach. I remember....as all of my siblings do ....dad helping us with our homework. He always made us cry. It is pretty funny now.

6. My father left a great legacy. I hear people talk about this alot and now I understand the importance of living a good life and being a good person and trying really hard to treat others the best you possibly can. I am so thankful I have a father who has lived a good life and who has so many amazing qualities that I look up to.

I have started pulling different memories I have of my father. Most make me cry. Most make me very proud. Most make me realize how blessed I am. Even though I will now live this life without my father I know that he is still aware of us. I know he will watch over us. I know we will see him again. I JUST KNOW IT. I feel it and although this is a super sad time and since I have not lost anyone close to me....it is an experience I haven't really had yet. It is painful. And I know that my Savior lives and He knows the pain I feel. He has experienced the same pain and more. He will be there to lift me when I need it. I am truly grateful for the gospel. I am thankful for the knowledge I have that there is life after this...and that the next life will be a million times better than earth.

DADDY....I miss you. I hope you can see our tears. I hope you know that you are really going to be missed. I hope you see how mad you have made us. :) Mom isn't going to know what to do without you. I remember hearing her talk about not knowing what to do if she ever lost you. You did so much for her. You were her everything.

DADDY...I love you. I am not sure how long this pain is going to last but it really SUCKS. I am glad you are in a better place. You are with your dad and your brother and Allison. I hope you are holding baby Allison. Remember that dream you had after Allison died...where she climbed up on your lap? Now she can really do that.

DADDY...thanks. Thank you for living your life the way you did. I know it wasn't a perfect life but it was one heck of a life. Your grandkids WILL know the life you lived because I am going to make sure of it. I talk of you often already and I will make sure they will never forget you.

DADDY..I can't wait for the Second Coming. I know we will see each other again. WOW...that seems like such a long time away but I know it won't be long.

DADDY....It hurts. You are the one that is supposed to take our pain away. And now that a huge chunk of our family is gone we are not sure what to do.

DADDY...we will get through this. I know we will. We are a strong family...and I want you to know that the reason we are strong is because of you. And that is the absolute truth. You were the link that pulled us together. The chain has been broken but not forgotten.

DADDY...I will never forget you........never stop loving you..........never stop talking about you.......NEVER.

Nov. 1st 2010...one of the saddest days of my life

This amazing man is my father. I love him. This morning he had a heart attack and left this life. It doesn't seem real. He knew EVERYTHING....yeah it's true. I called him for advice. He always knew the answer. In fact I called yesterday when we were stuck on the side of the road with our broken down vehicle...he wasn't there though. So I didn't get to talk to him and for that I am so sad.

Grandpa with some of the grandkids........missing him so much as I look back at pictures.

Doing sooooooo much stuff with his grandkids was a great joy to him....here he is getting ready to do yo yo's.

He is teaching me how (or should I say Zach) how to put this window in....He was an all around man. You know those men that know how to do all sorts of things? That was him.

Him and Mayah...now I wish I had more pictures of him with my kids...isn't that always how it is. UGGGH

Dad....I have always been grateful for a father like you. I thank God all the time for giving me parents who were strong and who stayed together even when things got tough. I am so thankful to call you my father. I am so thankful and I feel so honored. Just because you are gone does not mean you will be forgotten...far from it. The opposite is true. We will all remember what a great person and man you were. One of my favorite things that I keep saying in my mind is how you always said....just do it. If I didn't feel like doing something I could totally hear you say...just do it. And that has helped me so much now. I have to say there are so many things that you taught us that have stuck with me. Those things I pass down to my own kids and I find it a huge blessing to have come from such a strong, caring and loving man.