It hurts even more today

I can't believe MY dad is gone. I still can't believe it. It hurts even more today. I think reality is setting in and I am realizing that it is really true....he isn't coming back...EVER. And that is hard to grasp sometimes. I know my dad is not with us here but he lives. He is in Heaven with his spirit and he is alive. He is looking down on us and I know he will be a perfect angel for my family.

I am really grateful for my blog. He was my number one reader. He looked foward to reading my posts and there were times I didn't want to post anything but I did because I knew he was looking forward to it. My dad was all about teaching others. He had a degree in teaching and the kids all LOVED him. He was awesome. He left teaching to open his own small engine repair business...and yet the teaching continued. He never stopped teaching. That was one of his greatest qualities.

Some things I remember about my dad:

1. He was so service oriented. He always thought of others and never of himself. He lived the meaning of serving his fellow man.

2. He was an honest man. He was very fair at his shop. He would never try to jip anyone. In fact he bought a boat a few months ago. The guy that was selling it was asking a certain price but my dad thought that was too cheap so he offered to pay him more. Then that night the guy that sold him the boat called and said his wife was upset with him for selling the boat so cheap and my dad ended up paying him even more. Do you know very many men that would actually pay more for something because he knew it was worth more? These are the types of things that this man is leaving behind for his kids and grandkids. AMAZING...I'm telling you. HE WAS.

3. My father wasn't active in the church BUT....I believe he was a better man than many members of the church are. He always told me before I left for a church activity to remember to be the first one there and the last to leave....He always stressed the importance of staying till the end to help clean up.

4. My dad was all about doing good and being a good person...he was all about treating others with respect. He had a huge heart. He has left a big hole in so many people's lives and now that he is gone I am finding many people that I don't even know express their sadness that he is gone. He touched so many lives.

5. My dad taught us so much. He was always there with a way to teach. I remember....as all of my siblings do ....dad helping us with our homework. He always made us cry. It is pretty funny now.

6. My father left a great legacy. I hear people talk about this alot and now I understand the importance of living a good life and being a good person and trying really hard to treat others the best you possibly can. I am so thankful I have a father who has lived a good life and who has so many amazing qualities that I look up to.

I have started pulling different memories I have of my father. Most make me cry. Most make me very proud. Most make me realize how blessed I am. Even though I will now live this life without my father I know that he is still aware of us. I know he will watch over us. I know we will see him again. I JUST KNOW IT. I feel it and although this is a super sad time and since I have not lost anyone close to me....it is an experience I haven't really had yet. It is painful. And I know that my Savior lives and He knows the pain I feel. He has experienced the same pain and more. He will be there to lift me when I need it. I am truly grateful for the gospel. I am thankful for the knowledge I have that there is life after this...and that the next life will be a million times better than earth.

DADDY....I miss you. I hope you can see our tears. I hope you know that you are really going to be missed. I hope you see how mad you have made us. :) Mom isn't going to know what to do without you. I remember hearing her talk about not knowing what to do if she ever lost you. You did so much for her. You were her everything.

DADDY...I love you. I am not sure how long this pain is going to last but it really SUCKS. I am glad you are in a better place. You are with your dad and your brother and Allison. I hope you are holding baby Allison. Remember that dream you had after Allison died...where she climbed up on your lap? Now she can really do that.

DADDY...thanks. Thank you for living your life the way you did. I know it wasn't a perfect life but it was one heck of a life. Your grandkids WILL know the life you lived because I am going to make sure of it. I talk of you often already and I will make sure they will never forget you.

DADDY..I can't wait for the Second Coming. I know we will see each other again. WOW...that seems like such a long time away but I know it won't be long.

DADDY....It hurts. You are the one that is supposed to take our pain away. And now that a huge chunk of our family is gone we are not sure what to do.

DADDY...we will get through this. I know we will. We are a strong family...and I want you to know that the reason we are strong is because of you. And that is the absolute truth. You were the link that pulled us together. The chain has been broken but not forgotten.

DADDY...I will never forget you........never stop loving you..........never stop talking about you.......NEVER.