Well I am hoping that blogging will help calm my fears. I have been having a bit of trouble falling asleep at night and then this morning I woke at 5 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep. I have had our move on my mind for a while now. I have been crying a bit more and just getting nervous. Now don't get me wrong...........I am very excited and happy that we will be moving. Our neighborhood is getting too much for us and we need more room for our large family. I am OK with change too. I have had to do a lot of changing in my growing up years and that does not bother me. BUT TO DO A CHANGE CHANGE is a different story. The first change is the move and a different area with a different ward and different school for the kids. That change I can deal with. It is causing a little bit of nervousness but it is all good. But having Don leave soon after is the change change that will be very hard and that is causing me some sleepless nights. I am having a hard time pushing my thoughts out and it is just making me queesy. I hate to admit that I am a big chicken. I am afraid of the unknown and I was OK with the unknown until I found out that I wouldn't be able to share that unknown with Don. Going to a new area and not knowing the typical sounds of the house and just getting to know the area and the school and the ward. I want to be strong but if you really know me...........you know I am a cry baby and I really have a hard time holding it back if it starts coming. But I want to be strong for the kids. I don't want them to see me cry. I don't want them to "know" what a chicken I am. I want them to be able to lean on me so that when they do their changing, it won't be too hard for them. But sometimes I feel that I lean on them.
Yesterday we went to the Front Royal ward to watch conference for the Sunday morning session. There was a great talk about change. I don't remember, though, if they talked about change change. :) It wasn't easy to focus and write notes because we were the ONLY family in the chapel with kids. SO I tried to focus on keeping them occupied and quiet but they actually did awesome for it being a two hour block.
I know everything will be ok. I just worry alot. It doesn't usually do any good but I am still trying to figure out how to turn it off.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sleepless on the East coast
Posted by Puhlman at 3:12 AM
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4 comments:
It was about all kinds of change and it's probably online now. It was my favorite of the talks.
I know how stressful these times can be...I know you know it'll all work out in the long run, but it still isn't easy.
I'll be thinking of you...
Lisa, even if you cry sometimes, you are still the bravest woman I know.
So, I don't have any doubt that you are going to do great.
The Lord has lead you to where he wants you to be...and he will keep you and protect you.
Don't be afraid...if the Lord is with you (which He is)...it's almost ungreatful (which you are not) to give in to your fear...because the fear ISN'T coming from God.
OK thanks now that I am crying again from your posts. Good thing kids are down watching Dora. You are right about fear.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Part of being mortal in this temporal world is that we depend a lot on what is known, and what we can control and see. Change requires us to leave that, and it is just hard. And, I think that it is okay for it to be hard.
I still have days I cry over things I have left behind and just miss so much, not that I am not grateful for all the good.
But, I have learned the hard way that I must rely on the Lord, not the arm of flesh, in its many forms. Truly, nothing is certain in life, except that God will not leave us alone and comfortless.
My favorite talk from conference was Pres. Uchtdorf's on Hope. This is a principle I have been studying and trying to develop in my life. Remember hope is inherently a principle exercised in the face of that which we do not know.
You are so strong and capable; I don't know that I could do a move without Jeffrey, but I know you will make this work. Just remember you really are not alone, many love you who are just a phone call (or a prayer) away -- you have taught me that in times when I have felt overwhelmed and alone. Thanks!
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